MY DOMAIN

To be or Not to be ....

Today i m feeling really angry .. angry coz i m not diplomatic , angry coz i clearly say what's in my mind, angry because i m stuck .. ( stuck in situations that i never wanted to be in ) , angry coz i m dealing with really wily people ... and angry coz i have failed !
Its better that i warn u right away to just skip this post .. read someother nice blog ... But if u wish to stay then i'm sorry that i'm letting my anger come out on this page ...
My anger rarely comes forth .. usually i withdraw it and let my smile wipe it off ! But today .. i m damn angry at myself ! How do i be diplomatic ???? How do i smile at the person ..i feel like killing ??? How do i communicate with a person who is scheming about me behind my back ???? I really don't have answers to all these questions ....
Despite giving my work my all for the past four months ... I stand at a point where all that hardwork seems to have gone lost ,,, all my sincerity has no meaning ! Just because i wasn't smart enough to mince my words ... I had been clear to the extent that i hit the nail on the head ! I still can't believe why did i do it ...!! Its like when i speak .. I speak the truth !
I never realised that being so straight forward could hurt me in so many ways ...
Diplomacy .... Thats what i m thinking about ... and dear friend ( if u r still with me ) Diplomacy is what i need to explore .... So being a computer engineer ( read as a cut and paste engineer ) , I decided to excercise the Google search engine instead of my own little junkyard ( read as brain ) ...
and this stared at me :
Negotiate first about a secondary matter.... Your concession on the first point will give you leverage when you bring your main issue to the table

Food for thought ??? Yeah ! That's what life is all about these days .. just planning our moves ... thinking about 'intents' n 'motives' at each step , worrying about the potential loss and gains ....
Being diplomatic and still masquerading as a simpleton ... Don't u feel that this excessive calculative thinking has deprived life of its beauty - beauty of Simplicity , beauty of peace n beauty of ' just being urself ' !! I really feel so ... I know i can't be this calculative ( u can attribute this to my weakness in mathematics ) ... I just won't like the success and accolades that will come my way after all this ... I seriously wonder how people enjoy their success , knowing what they have done to get it ,, ... I really feel like asking them that do they really feel proud of their endeavours .. ( and taking of pride .. :Pride that brings a glow to ur face .. pride that makes u stand in front of God with reverence .. ) ,, Because i can't !
I know that any success that takes u away from urself and from God is not worth it !
So here I am ... being my articulate best .. but minus the diplomacy ! I won't take anything that has an artificial charm to it ... and most importantly , i have no regrets....

P.s : Sorry Guys if u think there's discontinuity ... coz i was coding side by side as well !

a much relaxed Kd

posted by kanika @ 11:25 PM