Sentimental Inside !!
These days I just feel like going around flaunting my Tshirt that says "Sentimental Inside" ... Not that I wanna get accross the message that I am recently inspired by the "One Liners" Bug ... ( For starters , This is a sweet little worm virus that makes us talk in monosyllables that send a HUGE message to all and sundry ! For instance some one liners that I saw in the T shirt Shop - "Allergic to Morons" , "Out of My Way", "My Dad is an ATM" , "Staying Alive" , "As you think, so you are", "**** some are beeped : ) etc , etc. ) Let me get back to the "SentiMENTAL" stuff .. yeah ... Its just that these days all my Great thought pass frm my heart to my mind and then back to my heart ... Don't know how that's happened , But I've started feeling than thinking things !
I must confess its not the right thing to do .. Always listening to ur nutty heart is a Big BAD Mistake .. as it generally lands you in trouble .. But there's another side to it .. Sometimes there are situations where I could have done gud for myself and not so gud for others had I thought rationally ( Read as being "Intel Inside" ) but my heart refuses to fall bait and intervenes .. I end up giving up .. giving up the rational yet mechanical thinking .. And I must share that It feels simply awesome !! awesome coz I am not compromising any of my ideals .. my "Must DO's " ...
U knw , listening to your heart gives a different kind of euphoria .. an out of the world rush of pleasure .. Coz our heart always tells us what
We would love to do and
our mind ( Intel - Proc ) always tells us to do the things that are looking right !!! ...
Dn't knw where this post is going .. What i m "tick-ticking" on the keyboard ..
Ppl , Dnt let ur Intel govern u , Let ur Sentimental guide u .. If not always .. Atleast at some time ..
Must tell u .. Its a Must try !
Hope we all stay in touch with our Sentimental Inside !!
Adieus for the Time ...
Will post more cranky stuff later ..
Emotions Unlimited : )
Kd
Its a Happy Day !!
Hey U ppl !!!!!!!!!!!! Its Great 2 b back with you ... great to be able to talk to myself and still feel as if the world is listening .... After so many days ... ( read as " so many HECTIC days" ) .. It feels marvelous to actually take out time for myself ... doing what i like best --- talk ~~
So I am here .. with no particular thought to write or blog about ... But still my fingers are racing away on the keyboard....
wat better than telling u abt these last few days of my absence ....
U knw these past days i really came to appreciate an old saying " If u run after happiness .. U'll never get it ... " I never knew the real beauty of these words even though they are so often repeated ...
I wonder .. What is Happiness ?? So being a techno ... here comes the million dollar answer to an otherwise petty question :
" Happiness is a reference point; a relative state of mind to which we compare other emotions."
So how is it ? yes ... we always set a reference point for us to be happy ... a point defined by certain parameters ( .. I want money, I want fame , I want acceptance, I want love , I want ...I want ... I want ...) These parameters ensure that no matter how hard we try or no matter how graceful the Sweet Lord is ,, We remain UN-Happy !!
So How to reach that point of inflection ... the point where that illusive "I am Happy" state comes about ... ????????
another million dollar question ?? But I feel the answer is quite simple .....
Just limit the scope of the parameters that affect that "HAPPY Point" ... limit that ~~want~~ ...
make it within reach , within close regions ... and we can still try being close to that great point --- !!
I have just realised that i have been trying to mathematically / technically tring to prove has already been said in our great scriptures ,..." Gita " ... The key to being happy is " freedom from want " ...
That doesn't mean that we stop wanting anything .. the day we''ll do that , we'll wilt ...rust .. decay !
Just we need to be free from unbounded want ....
That's what i am trying to do these days ... Just trying to reach my Happy point ,, n u knw what's the best thing , the day u start trying , that's the day .. U''re there !!
So all u ppl ... Smile ! Cheer ! Laugh !
Coz i'm waiting for u on the "HAPPY point " ... { c i'll be happy all the time i'll wait }
A smile to seal the thought , buddy !!
Kd - The cartesian Guru
:0)
Moments that matter ~~~
At 6:30 in the evening , it has sunk in my mind that the weekend is finally over ... Hmmmm .. This time round i dint come out of the Weekend mania ... U can attribute it to a very boring , damn slow and formal weekend ..formal bole to .. ek wedding attend ki .. Din't know any1 there .. But still had to smile at everyone ..saying namaste to all and sundry .. pretend to my parents that i'm not dying out of boredom .. and eating at every food stall with my kid brother .. ( though i enjoy that part - he eats everything with so much enthusiasm and vigour that i cannot help but adore him .. )
Talking of wedding ( shaadi receptions , family functions ) .. i have a lot to share .. all the facts are based on my perception of the same ...
Lets begin with the guests at a marriage ,, ...' mehmaan bhagwaan ' wala concept to purana ho gaya hai ..
People generally can be categorised in three ways :First and the most populous of the three ---These are the 'Come, eat n go' types .. khao piyo aur khisko , its the time to disco !! They generally come at a time when the dinner is about to start .. with their entire family ( chinku , pinku , mumyjee etc..) and straight away head for the food stalls , checking out what all stuff is there to binge on .. They also make it a point that they don't eat anything for the entire day before coming to the marriage ( arrey yaar , make full use of the available resources ! ) After sampling each and every delicacy , ( P.s : Do take notice that i used the word sampling .. ) they finally look to find any1 they know ,, just to say that its time for them to leave and 'it was nice having here' ... Don't mind , but at some point of time , each one of us has been in this category .. { its ok if u don't wanna admit it here }
Next comes the close relatives : the immediate family of the bride and the groom .. These people have a whole lot of characteristics .. and u can easily identify them from their peculiar ways ,, They all are dressed very heavily ... all glittering and shining ,, with loads of makeup ( read as coverup ) .. occupying the stage at every chance they get ... ( for photosession with the bride n groom .. wat else ! )
Aur haan ,, agar DCE ki yaadein taaza karu to , ek third category ke guests bhi hote hai .. "I m from both the girl's and boys side" Haan haan .. I know these are the ones who are dying of boredom and on the verge of finishing off their monthly allowance ( as well as their friends ..) They enter the marriage a bit apprehensively .. and look at every1 thinking that they have recognised them or not .. and shyly yet cooly they attack the food stalls ..
One thing more i felt .. when the Varmaala ( ** For starters , this is a damn cute ceremony where the bride and the groom exchange garlands )was going on , it must be such a beautiful and memorable moment for the couple .. But these days , there's no shortage of people who spoil it all .. Take for example the Cameraman and photographer ... Just imagine the scene " The Bride and the groom looking in each other's eyes with love , promise n commitment ... giving each other exceptional smiles , oblivious to the people around them ... and Just when the actual moment arrives .. They r told by the photographer ''look this way .. smile like that ... dont move ur hand .. maintain ur profile ... JUST STAY STILL " dammit how does he expect the bride to stay still when she is quivering with I don't know what ....
I cud really see the smile of the couple changed after the photographer intervened ... I cud see that a KODAK MOMENT was spoit by a stupid photographer ...
Isn't it that these days .. Everything is getting a commercial touch ... even our most special moments are becoming a victim to this ... What is the pupose of all this Jhamela if the feeling of the moment is lost ! I have learnt one thing in life that once a beautiful moment passes away .. it can never be resurrected ... So I feel we musn't let the sweet , cute n beautiful moments escape us , shudn't let them surrender to this artificiality.. So guys Just grab the moments u feel .. They are the ones that will make all the difference to our memories database ...
Hoping that each one of us captures our special moments
kd
To be or Not to be ....
Today i m feeling really angry .. angry coz i m not diplomatic , angry coz i clearly say what's in my mind, angry because i m stuck .. ( stuck in situations that i never wanted to be in ) , angry coz i m dealing with really wily people ... and angry coz i have failed !
Its better that i warn u right away to just skip this post .. read someother nice blog ... But if u wish to stay then i'm sorry that i'm letting my anger come out on this page ...
My anger rarely comes forth .. usually i withdraw it and let my smile wipe it off ! But today .. i m damn angry at myself ! How do i be diplomatic ???? How do i smile at the person ..i feel like killing ??? How do i communicate with a person who is scheming about me behind my back ???? I really don't have answers to all these questions ....
Despite giving my work my all for the past four months ... I stand at a point where all that hardwork seems to have gone lost ,,, all my sincerity has no meaning ! Just because i wasn't smart enough to mince my words ... I had been clear to the extent that i hit the nail on the head ! I still can't believe why did i do it ...!! Its like when i speak .. I speak the truth !
I never realised that being so straight forward could hurt me in so many ways ...
Diplomacy .... Thats what i m thinking about ... and dear friend ( if u r still with me ) Diplomacy is what i need to explore .... So being a computer engineer ( read as a cut and paste engineer ) , I decided to excercise the Google search engine instead of my own little junkyard ( read as brain ) ...
and this stared at me :
Negotiate first about a secondary matter.... Your concession on the first point will give you leverage when you bring your main issue to the table
Food for thought ??? Yeah ! That's what life is all about these days .. just planning our moves ... thinking about 'intents' n 'motives' at each step , worrying about the potential loss and gains ....
Being diplomatic and still masquerading as a simpleton ... Don't u feel that this excessive calculative thinking has deprived life of its beauty - beauty of Simplicity , beauty of peace n beauty of ' just being urself ' !! I really feel so ... I know i can't be this calculative ( u can attribute this to my weakness in mathematics ) ... I just won't like the success and accolades that will come my way after all this ... I seriously wonder how people enjoy their success , knowing what they have done to get it ,, ... I really feel like asking them that do they really feel proud of their endeavours .. ( and taking of pride .. :Pride that brings a glow to ur face .. pride that makes u stand in front of God with reverence .. ) ,, Because i can't !
I know that any success that takes u away from urself and from God is not worth it !
So here I am ... being my articulate best .. but minus the diplomacy ! I won't take anything that has an artificial charm to it ... and most importantly , i have no regrets....
P.s : Sorry Guys if u think there's discontinuity ... coz i was coding side by side as well !
a much relaxed Kd
Aaye Tum yaad mujhe ...
Well ... Its a beautiful day ,, Sun is smiling down at me .. and i woke up hearing the chirping of birdies .. and here i was brushing my teeth ( and smiling mischiviously at myself ) and $#@"THUMP" **% !! Something Hit me .. No no dear don't worry , u need nothing short of a nuclear War to send me away ... It was nothing but a sort of Realization ,, a revelation ,, ...
and the celine Dion song ... '' Its all coming back to me " ... started playing in the backdrop ... ( ~~~music added for effect ~~~ )
I suddenly could see the faces of lots of people - people who have touched my life in some or the other way ! All i was aware of was the sea of faces , faces with a whole gamut of emotions .. love, compassion, appreciation , envy , hatred, humility , adoration , murderous ( ya there r quite a few ppl who feel that) ... etched on their countenance... in front of my eyes ... blinding me for a split second !! then finally its significance dawned on me ...
Its like .. people - Gud or bad, sweet n sour , tall n short , cute n plump ... have always mattered to me ..
I know its not cool .. because generally the Cool tag comes with a " I don't CARE " attitude .... But still people do matter to me ... Whether i admit it or not ,, people have somehow and somewhere governed the 'feel' of my life ....( by feel , i mean the way i felt at different points of time in my life ) ... So time and again , when i get a bit distanced from people ( Like i am these days ) ... these realizations come upon me ... and I unknowingly connect with all the people --- people who , even though are no longer in my life , but still they grace my memories with their presence ! I know they no longer hold anything for me ... and have rightly carried on ... But I haven't been able to let go !
I don't know why but I still taste my friend tanvi's parathas in my office paranthas ..( tanvi was my friend in the 8th std ..) , I can still associate every sweet , fair n lovely girl with my dear friend Deepti .. Any one saying 'theek hai' too often still reminds me of my friend Anand .. whenever i see doctors and Hospitals .. I recall my friend megha ( every1 in her family was a doctor - except her .. infact she was the patient :0)..
this list can go on and on .. But the common factor among all these people is that they all r no longer with me ! I haven't talked to them in years .. Don't have any idea as to what they r upto now ,, but i still remember them every now and then ....
I don't know whether it happens with u guys or not .. whether u also can't LET GO of this emotional baggage attached with people ... But i certainly cant !
LET GO - small words .. big impact !
Bhagvat Gita teaches us to LET Go .. let go of things no longer with you ... Let go of feelings that are no longer alive .. Let Go of the past .. Let Go of the hurt and the pain ... Let go of the fact that people don't need you as much as u need them .. Let go of ur Ego ... Let Go of attachments ... Let go of time .. Just LET GO ! But my mind doesn't adhere to this ... u know i haven't been able to break free ... I still care a lot about all these people ... whether they do or not ! I still miss them ... miss that they r no longer there with me in my quest !
In fact , i believe in "LETS GO" ... lets go ahead , taking all that the past has given me , cherishing all the love n appreciation that people have bestowed on me , learning from all the hurt , etc...
I know aaj thoda zyada Senti ho gaya ... But aisa hi hai ... where its about the species 'Homo sapiens' ... i m damn emotional !
time to say "Lets Go "!
kanika
My Goblet of Fire
So , here i am, back to dumping my mind on the pages of the web ...
A lot of thoughts are trying to crowd my mind .. so it may happen that the final result turns out to be a complete bhel-puri of emotions ... So lets start cooking ... ~~
A question that I repeatedly ask myself is ... How do i deal with mediocrity ???? By mediocrity i mean .. Being unable to tap ur original potential ...when u knw u cud have been a Kalpana chawla but u actually are an instructor at the planetorium - where the only people who r interested in astronomy are -Kids .. !!
Its like you know deep inside that u r not being the person u wanted to be .. instead being someone u r destined to be ! All your technicolor dreams end up looking jaded and black-n white.. and that also with poor contrast ..
You r stuck in situations that pull u back ... When u knw that u could have done much better ( very much better infact .... )
You sometimes realize that you have changed over a period of time into a different person all together ...
due to circumstances and situations and other 'n' number of things ... and have embraced this mediocrity ...
But time and again there's this light .. that manouvers you back to ur roots - the real you ! The energy and karma that you always believed in but was temporarily forgotten .... all comes gushing back to you.. and u r back to fighting with this mediocrity .... I feel for me , it has been watching the movie -Harry potter and the Goblet of fire .. "" People must have seen Magic, Special effects , Daniel Radcliffe ,,direction , the money spent .. etc in the movie and must have come out of the hall admiring what they saw .. But I was a bit stunned after the movie .. a bit ( or shall i say a lot introspective ) ..
It was as if the Goblet of fire had shown me the light ... the light that had faded in my mind ..
All along the movie i could feel something different , a sort of renaissance ... But the lightening stuck me in the climax - The scene was something like this ... Harry potter was forced to face the evil Voldermont ( kindly excuse the spelling) all alone .. He seemed shit scared earlier .. But then there was a closeup of Harry's face - and u cud cee the changing emotions on his face : From fear to fearlessness .. from being scared to great bravado .. from darkness to light !! all in a few seconds .. the shot captured was one of the most beautifully potrayed scene of conflicting emotions that i have ever seen ....
and then He fights .... Fights with all he's got ...
When coming out of the theatre , i realised that u should never let mediocrity crowd or overpower ur greatness !! ( Don't take me wrong .. i feel each of us has something that marks us as unique - but its on us how and when we realize that ... ) Never let urself surrender to situations that seem beyond control .. Coz only in such situations u have a chance of coming out stronger .. of overpowering ur mediocrity and unleashing ur true potential !!
I think kuch zyada ho gaya .. and u may feel ki bhel puri ban hi gayi hai .. But there was so much that wanted to come out ... and it just did !!
Ok then ...
Hope to see u back ...
Let the Light be with you
Kd
Zipping On FOUR wheels......
These days..
my life is on 4 wheels... b it the 4 wheels of my Car or the 4 wheels of my Chair !!
Life doesn't move beyond that...
From the time i gain full knowledge of my surroundings to the time , i m not in a state to recognize my surroundings.. life moves on 4 wheels !
But i'm kinda
enjoying some and
not enjoying some others.....
these days i actually enjoy the time i'm in the car.... there's
NITIN( aka ulta pulta - of Radio Mirch fame ) to entertain me in the morning - with his weird and yet amusing questions and even more amusing answers ( u cant help but smile ) ! and My Papa to Listen to my endless chatter on the way back home...
also i make it a point to go with my windows down ....
and the rest of the day ... welll... kya kahe ,, sirf main aur mera Computer !! n Colleagues who make it a point to stare at my Terminal invariably everytime they pass (even if they have to turn their necks by 180 deg) , Empty Inbox , workspace loaded with geeky stuff !!
SO , By the time i reach home .... the world could END , Pakistan could Win a Match , nothing can make me move or react !!
thats my day ...."ek din ek jeevan "
that was a bit philosophic... but that's the way i am...and keep checking out this space !!
till then i wish every1 happy zipping !!
k
